The Joyful Perspective of Friendship: A Review of Real Marriage
Instead of writing a strict review of Mark and Grace Driscoll's new book Real Marriage I've decided that I would take a different tact and talk about the way this book has altered my view of marriage. More digital ink has been spilled as of late blasting away Driscoll for his "crudeness" and apparent poor exegesis in chapter 10 than actually taking to account what the Driscoll's are trying to get across in this book. I don't wish to add my voice to the debate (foolish as I believe it to be). I however want to speak to why this book was the first book on marriage I've been able to read from cover to cover.
That's right. Up until today, even after having a dozen or so books on marriage on my shelf and skimming through most of them I have never been able to complete a book on marriage. For the most part (all the faults on my end) my marriage has been strong and healthy over the last seven years. That doesn't mean I never felt a need to take in good Biblical counsel on how to improve my marriage or haven't sought out counsel for my marriage. I just haven't been able to get through a compelling, helpful, straightforward book on marriage. The reasons for this are many, some of the faults my own more than the authors, however I haven't been able to do it.
Real Marriage, however, gripped me from the get go. The reason was that it put marriage in a light that very few marriage books have done: friendship. Most evangelical books on marriage talk about it as a covenant (which it is) and life-long endurance is needed to keep the marriage together. But too many of them make marriage seem like an unfortunate consequence that comes along with loving someone, a drudgery and duty for choosing to kiss a girl. Marriage in the light of friendship however moves the perspective from a tough endurance to a happy, patient, long-term life with someone you couldn't stand to live without.
Mark and Grace are honest and straightforward about their own struggles and failure in their marriage and friendship. They offer clear, practical and Biblical counsel to couples on how to make sure they make their marriage is strong, Christ-centered and happy. They strongly counsel men to be Biblical men and women to be Biblical women, each with unique roles and responsibilities. They talk plainly and helpfully about the joy and practice of sex in the context of marriage. There is very little in this book that wasn't helpful to me.
Overall, the book has given me some very helpful direction in improving my relationship to my wife as a husband and for allowing us to be better friends to each other. The book has already helped initiate some good conversation between us. Furthermore it's given me a charge to think about areas that I can improve in my relationship with my wife and how I can be a more Christ-like servant and friend to my wife.
